‘Gangs of Lagos’ producer, Jade Osiberu, has advised couples not to allow the attraction bug called ‘my specs’ to harm their relationship.
According to her, being someone’s specs is not enough compatibility to sustain a marriage.
This is as she warns that telling a spouse they are not one’s specs is permanently offensive.
Osiberu notes this in an online reflection, writing: “I know a number of people who didn’t marry their “spec” but are in the healthiest marriages I know. Their spec was typically whatever was culturally deemed to be at the apex of the attractiveness pyramid when they were growing up. For a lot of guys in my generation, it was the music video “vixens” from the late 90s/early 2000s Hip & R&B music videos with ‘coke bottle figures’ and or light skinned eurocentric features. When it’s time to find a partner for the very serious endeavor of sharing a life with, that “spec” is simply inadequate as a measure of compatibility and that’s understandable. The foolishness though is communicating it as though their partner somehow didn’t measure up to their “spec” instead of simply admitting that the idea of their spec was stupid all along and a young boy’s lack of wisdom of what makes a good life partner.
“If the point is to say your spec changed then talk about the stupidity of having a spec to begin with. Because I’ve never heard anyone in these situations talk about character attributes being their spec, it’s always superficial stuff. Or speak about how meeting your partner opened your eyes to what true beauty is. Speak in ways that elevate and affirm your partner.”
